A grief deferred is a grief prolonged. There are no short-cuts in the alchemy of the dark emotions.

In the face of grief after violent loss, this is the all-too-common counsel: stay positive, forgive, move on. In grief’s alchemy, however, the first phase is not about moving on but about being broken, a searing experience that cannot be pacified by all the compassionate counsel in the world. Healing through grief doesn’t start when we give up feeling bad; it begins with the agony of loss. The merciful numbing of shock must wear off and the reality of death take hold. Grief must sink in. In the alchemy of grief, going down always precedes coming up. Understandable but misguided attempts to speed up the process tend to derail it. Generally, a grief deferred is a grief prolonged. There are no short-cuts in the alchemy of the dark emotions. ~ Miriam Greenspan, Healing Through the Dark Emotions